Monday, September 24, 2007

Eye story


I woke up yesterday with a new start and this is what happened....

Was on the road (8:20AM) going to work when I decided to head to her house just for my peace.

Reached there I saw her car outside her school n cried ... cried n cried till the tank of tears was over.

I didn't see my heart or any of my bears in her car... It made me feel I was lost in a dessert n I prayed and prayed till I reached my work, giving my self the peace of lies that everything will be fine...

I couldn't work for long so I drove back to her work at 1 PM trying in vain that I might hear something...She walked out at 1:05pm...

I was shocked to see her covered in black n eyes in veil...she sat in her car I came across we had an eye contact n then I disappeared. I waited for a sign from her but didn't get any thing except pain.

My heart still beats faster with no hopes to hear from love...How can someone forget 1800 days of non stop love in just 2 weeks.....

It hurts hurts n hurts more but the tank has no more water to flow...........

28 comments:

Oryx said...

You won’t forget and sure not in two weeks, my hair dresser once said that , when your heart is severely broken it will take two years to get amended,
Let’s look at the facts, I’d be harsh, but you have to face this for your own sake, through what you’ve written before, it’s obvious that the two of you can’t get married, unless you can then there is no point for the two of you being together any more, for you as a man it’s ok to wait but for her as a woman in such a society, waiting will cost her a lot,

After this incident, that her family knew about the relationship and punished her, to say the least, for it, this kind of experience would for sure changed something inside of her, it’s not an easy thing to be in a situation that will scare her for life and of which her life will never be the same,

Keeping in mind that she is working, I don’t know about the school environment she is in, but I can say that she would have an access to a phone or a pc, or at least ask someone of her friends to pass you a message

After all that has been said, don’t get me wrong, I do admire that there is still a man who can love and feel and worry and care for a woman just out of pure love, and I’m sad that your love story had to go through this unfortunate events, but you can’t keep hurting yourself, you need to look at your life, you can’t marry her, she knows that, you made your move by showing her that you still want her and think of her, she knows that, but it’s her life too, and if she sees that she can’t do this any more, then all what you can do is wish her well and let her go
I’m so so sorry…

Amu said...

Oryx: I agree with you on everything but the question that keeps bugging me is like you said:

"Keeping in mind that she is working, I don’t know about the school environment she is in, but I can say that she would have an access to a phone or a pc, or at least ask someone of her friends to pass you a message"

n this is all I want just a call from a person I have known for 5 years to know what happened?

chikapappi said...

Why do you do this! We all understand that it's not easy but you are putting her into problem before you put yourself - just keep it for yourself.... stay away from her & since she didn't give a sign - dear, it means walk away .. am sorry AMU ... hope this ends soon :(

Oryx said...

I understand… you are looking for closure,
Without it you’ll be hunted by a thousand possibilities,
each will be creping to your head, some of hope others with despair
and as time passes and you think you forget,
something will come up and strike a chord in you and the memory will be alive again,

you can’t take it from her if she doesn’t give it to you, that’s a rule,
you should give it to yourself,
you’ll have to make a closure when you are ready and welling to let go,
make one that doesn’t get you to feel restless, at the end it’s only a state of mind,
Give your self time to heal, let your pain take a full cycle,
grieve, get depressed, be angry, go through it all, let it get out of your system completely then
Make your own closure and turn the page

Amu said...

chikapappui: I am sorry . . . I try to stop my self but it just came in me and I couldn't stop it! I never meant to hurt her and thats why I just disappeared once I saw her.

Oryx: Noted! enshallah I will...thanks for the support :)

'Grey' said...

What you are doing is wrong ! first try to send her message and know if she is OK , I know it hurts , but this is the time you take courage and find a solution how to communicate with her , then think of the next step ..

ammaro.com said...

she cant have forgot, but im sure shes trying her best to move on. you need to do the same. just let it go, play around, keep your mind busy, thats the best advice i can give you

Princess said...

im sorry u feel so much pain, it must be hard on her too, inshala u hear good news from her, but listen, her being able to still go to work and drive it hopefully a good thing, lay low for a while and wait, that is the only way to go, cuz wat ur doing is tormenting urself, she cnt have forgotten 4 years of a loving relationship but i guess shes in fear for u as well as for herself, so wait, time will heal all

Amu said...

grey: I will...

ammaro.com: play around?? ?? what do u mean by that? thanks for the advice mate :)

princess: its all about wait wait and wait :)

Maryam said...

Everyone is being harsh today nevertheless I agree with Oryx. If she wanted to send a message she would have, but give her the benefit of the doubt.

I just want to add that it's different for a girl, I don't claim to know nor understand what she's going through or you for that matter. But when a girl is beaten up&I assume she was something within breaks, self esteem … self worthy. Only girls can understand this. Nobody should feel weak, abused or violated. Because she knows she can't do anything about it. If a boy were if her shoes his family would have done nothing, this is one of the "perks" of our society&culture.

After sometime, a cooling period and a lot of thinking if you still want her, send your sister to talk to her or a mutual friend given her family won't find out. At least what I think is you need closure, whether it's a good one or a bad one.

btw it's nice to know that men can actually have this kind of feelings&commitment :)
Best of Luck, cheer up

Amu said...

maryam: I agree with Oryx too... and I agree with what you are saying that I shouldn't blame her.. I am not blaming her for anything I am happy when I see her happy and what else can I do more than this..Thanks for the care..

david santos said...

Very good posting,amu!
thank you

Sene said...

See, it must be hard on her also. She must also be feeling the same way you are feeling. Give her the benefit of doubt. If not she, then you can take the first step...May be she is waiting for a step from you....

Think about it.

bb q8 said...

mate, i know it ain't easy!
whatever the reason, nothing is gonna change it now...
good that you had a good sob, it kanda clears the mind...
now there's only one thing left to do: move on with your life, it may sound harsh, but you have no other option. think of yourself!
take care!

Wild_Mare said...

Everything tells that you should walk away and it's over ! I know its hard to hear that but this is the truth. sometimes we deny a truth and we look for sign that tells something else ! but we reach a dead end where we have to open our eyes and accept the reality.

Your hear takes time to mend its wounds but believe me .. your heart is so big and kind . you could love again .. allah yafrejha 3aleek enshalla.

Vixen said...

She'll never forget, people don't just forget. Maybe she's just scared Amu. Give her time..

Pinky said...

I'm sorry your so sad but you are not helping yourself at all going to her house or work. The best thing you can do is try to move on- I know, I spent far too much time pining for someone who I had been involved with. You just have to move on. Life should not be wasted on regret.
Big Cyber Hugs
Pinky

eshda3wa said...

awwwwwww
u poor thing
that is just so sad

sweety dont do that to urself
dont go trying to look for her
ull only cause urself and her more pain!!

itll get better

Amu said...

Thanks a million to all of you for your lovely advices and supporT ... I am so tired of all this that I want to live my life normally now ... I just hope I recover soon...

Cheers

Nora Cassandra said...

Oh you sweet thing! I have to tell you this as a woman that been in many… many love stories! If some one forget you in two weeks that means it wasn’t real love! Women attend to love faster and forget (or move on) faster! I remember many friends (men) how they ached from a woman that walked out of their life while they thought it was real and strong love from both sides! I also remember many girls crying on my shoulder telling me a guy broke their heart and not a month later they are all over hills in love again with a new guy!

Sorry to admit breaking hearts of many… many men in my life! I never meant to hurt them, but simply I had the attention and love I wanted till I grow bored!

As for you; you’ll grow out of it sooner or later! I know it hurts!! :( And it feels like you’ll never love again, but that’s not true! You are too young to feel sorry for yourself and wait for a sign!

Another thing is, because of the culture there people are over hungry for love and romance! You don’t get to know what real love is and what is not till someone is hurt! I remember so well my school days there and how girls got excited for a call they got from him or a kiss, or even a heart shaped pillow (and, no it’s not that normal for a 20 year old to act crazy because of such things)! I thought that was all a way to express the attention needed and sex missing! The dreams of love and happily ever after! I never got so excited from love because I knew for me at the age of 20 and under it’s mostly sexual attraction!

Again I’m so sorry for your pain, and assure you it’ll pass! Be strong and don’t let 5 or 10 years destroy you! (My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend after over 12years! And they lived together!!! They are both fine, but breakups always hurt!

Sorry for the long comment! :P

Dynamic Deeds said...

Amu..You didn't hear anything from her,, It is time for you to move on. I mean it. Stop reminding urself, and feeling sorry for urself. Your PRIDE is above everything.
Like she loved you, I'm sure fe planty fish in the sea. As harsh as I may seem, I just don't think it is fair your doing all this to urself.
Stop dwelling on what you had, and the years you spent. Sh** Happen, and you should be strong and smart enough to overcome them.
Just leave her alone, and move on.
You don't need her... YES she was someone u were so use too. But if it is not OK for her to have u in her life you are BETTER OFF without her.

Stop thinking about her, don't ruin ur career, mental state 3shanhaa..
Remember like you found her, true love might find you.
Don't waste ur time..

Amu said...

nora cassandra: I have made my self strong and always say I wont look back on it but all of a sudden I get this sadness that just spoils all my day :( I just hope things get better and thanks for the lovely comment :)

dynamic deeds: Enshallah wont waste my time and will move on :)

Navy Girl said...

amuooo i dont wana burst your bubble but i remember telling you to show her your love and it may do something or change her mind ... but obviously it wont .. i mean you almost did everything .. you can either live in pain and wait .. but it hurts like hell when you just have to put your life on hold .. or you can just put your own closure to this whole mess and move on !!

Canc3riaN said...

Amu..... you know exactly what I think... I told you before.

You never know what's in her head now... you never know what stress she might be going through.. yet, we all know you're hurt and I'm sure she knows it more than any of us... but if she could seemingly move on... then you can also do that.

If she drives her self to work in her own car then it shouldn't be hard for her to sms you from her phone or anyone's phone and let you know exactly what she's thinking... but she didn't.. I'm sorry for that but I think she chose to do this. I don't want her to look like she did this to hurt you.. bel3aks sometimes people do things that hurt people but only to protect them or to avoid making the situation worse than what it already is... you know what I mean?

Maze said...

dude i know its hard for you but life goes on...my story will make you cry more..2003 was literally the end of life..my heart died since then...i lost my ex in a car accident prior to our engagement...i've been 3 years suffering and decided to change my life in 2007...things are getting better for me but it still cuts me like a knife when i remember the whole incident....

Man ur young...live ur life and make the best out of it...we all pass thru ups and downs always look at the greener side with s vision of hope...:)

Walla u make me heart broken everytime i read ur post....

GOD bless you and i know u deserve a better life...take care

Amu said...

navy girl: I cant control my feelings...

canc3rian: I know what you told me :)

maze: I am so sorry to hear that :( I hope you get better soon. thanks for the lovely comments.

Rania said...

i don't agree with anyone and i don't think u should simply walk away of 5 years of life that easy , she didn't try to communicate with u because i think she feels u gave up on her so why she should bother and believe me there no such thing is impossible in this life , if u wanna be with her u can try ur best to do so by FIGHTING for what u want , but think of it do u really deep way inside do want her , are u willing to fight cause i think this is the question to be answered

Amu said...

Rania: I want her but dont want her to be hurt or killed by her brother...they will do any thing even she used to tell me that they might even do honour killing...I dunno but I can't live without her!