Life is not a bed of rose...
I don't know why am I here again but I am here to let my heart out now. I know I did quit blogging because of the work load but as much as I am filled up in my daily life disasters I have no other place to let it all out then here...
My life has become a place of sadness. I try to fill it with happiness but something or the other brings my past back in my eyes again. I spend my days working and my nights fearing not to sleep. I am having the worse nightmares I could ever have. Its 2:53am and I have so far seen 3 nightmares in my dream. With the fear of not seeing another one again I wake up hug my pillow and wish for death with tears to relief me a bit. People see me smiling and laughing and happy but I am sorry no one has scratched me from inside and seen that there is still a lot of sadness of separation in me. I thought I got over it and yes I did but why my past comes back to me again? why do I fear not to see it again? why do I have nightmares seeing that she is sad one night and the other night that she is happy? I need peace.....
Yesterday I was having coffee with a friend in starbucks and then all of a sudden a number calls me with 6027. . . I was shocked. For a second I thought it was her but then my memory quickly recalled and said no 3aamer she is gone...she has left you... you still have her name saved in your phone but what matches are just these initial number...scared and terrified I say ''Aloo'' to find that it was a wrong number. Once I reach my office I look at the number again and guess what its not just that the initial four numbers are matching the other three numbers are same like hers too its just different order. OMG I threw my self in the bucket of old thoughts again. I tried hard to get out of them the whole day but sadly I failed...one after the other and the other and the other and a non stop flow of memories have started again marking the 4 months ....
I look at myself in the mirror I see I am a different person who has lost trust in life and people around him. I see my self as a person who never used to miss a prayer has now not prayed in days. I question my self have I lost trust in GOD... I say astagfirulla . . .
Comments
hang in there, it'll get better, or easier anyway :* and dnt be so hard on urself
it wasnt meant to be..cuz there is a better one for u out there..it will come wen it comes..
pray,maditate,and think positive
its what got me thru
Don't bother with the I quit thing, you can write whenever you want, and we will always be visiting, you said you quit but I still have you in my Google reader and i lighten up when i see you are posting..
Writing down how you feel doesn't solve things but in a way, makes you feel abit better, at least.. I love your honesty here, it's never easy and I can't just say get over it, pain is bad it hurts, trust me I know :( but one thing you shouldn't ever doubt, that allah is there but you should keep remembering him and pray, I am sure it will help, it takes time to heal, I don't know how long but I hope soon..
never get scare of your nightmares .. they are nothing but ur own mind presentation to things ur going through ..
well, I dont trust life and people too, so i can't advice u on that !
BUTTTT .. I never lost my trust in ALLAH anu shouldnt too.
Dont worry about quitting/commingback .Even Jay-Z does it all the time hee hee !
" Life is not a Bed of rose "
I'm glad your feeling much better , I know its not easy , it takes time , I know someone was feeling the same way it took her two years to move on !!!
I cant tell you what to do or what not to do , but it is good that you have away to let it all out ,
anyway wish you the best :)
Pinky x
we await a cheerful post!!
P.S. God is always there, dont second-think that;)
he got it and ate it with a lot of passion, it was sweet and delicious! and he realized however is his situation or position in it, life is always beautiful and worth enjoying.
i agree that when you are busy you feel to write even more! it is a break out, you need it :)
getting over a person isn't that easy
may all the good in the world pass upon your heart and sight ..
and connect you to the topography of the soul, and teach you how love is a continuous phenomenon..
love depends on "time" way more than a "person"
would you do it again?